How I came out of Imposter Syndrome!

(Six Steps to Break the Imposter Syndrome Cycle - TDI, 2022)

 

I have been working on my mental health since Jan 2023. I have reaped huge benefits in this process. There is no guarantee that I won't fall in the future, but I am incurably optimistic that I will rise back! Hence, I have decided to share the process with you all because mental health matters and it is possible to fix your mental health if it is not on track! Also, I have picked mental health as a cause for which I will work for the rest of my life! I have decided to channel all my resources to enhance the mental health of everyone around me! 

I am a Ph.D. student at the University of Toronto, a mother of a toddler, and a physical and mental health enthusiast. So when I get some free time in my super-packed schedule, I spend that time healing myself and the people around me. The stories I share might sound elitist for many people. Please don't consider them as the act of blowing my own trumpet, but try to see the intentions and ideas discussed. I understand that good intentions are not a sufficient condition when one ventures to touch the lives of people around. I am a work-in-progress, open-minded, and ready to accept the mistakes that I might commit in my approach, but I am always ready to change and unlearn them! I have been suffering from imposter syndrome for the past several decades. Imposter syndrome is that uncomfortable feeling one experiences when they think they are unqualified and incompetent. They believe in the potential of everybody around them except their own. And if they achieve something good, they tell themselves it is because of luck (Cuncic, 2023). 

I am a first-generation graduate born in Madurai, a small town in India. So, whatever I did was a big deal at home. My father used to proudly show his friends that I was watching English news and reading English newspapers! Speaking in English was an elite act in the community where I grew up! I used to step out of my home, thinking I was the best in the world. But in my school, I encountered many people who were much better than me. Though I was constantly learning in that stimulating atmosphere, my self-confidence was shaking slowly. After finishing my schooling, I got an opportunity for my undergraduate in one of the best colleges in the country. I met more sharper and smarter people than those I met in school. Eventually, I worked for some of the top global MNCs in the world. I kept meeting better and better people.

Then, my partner and I started our Ph.D. with a 10-month-old daughter in Toronto. I had a perception that people who speak in American and British accents are smarter than me. Though I was physically present in all my meetings and classes, my heart always bumped out of anxiety. I still remember the day I went 20 minutes late for my first lab meeting, as it took me time to figure out the new city. During this 20 mins and during the meeting I was suffering serious anxiety. Even after the meeting ended, I regretted my late arrival through toxic self-talk. I will hardly say no to anything because I think people will underestimate my potential. I was pushing things even though my physical and mental health were poor. Due to continuous multitasking, both my physical and mental health had hit rock bottom. That's when I decided to work on myself. I started taking a few counseling sessions. My therapist would valourize me for the kind of things that I am doing. I used to think that she was trying to pacify me. I started questioning even my ability to be a good mother. Then, I started reading, exercising, meditating, eating healthy, and involving myself in activities that truly bring me joy!

Over 5 months, I saw a drastic change in how I approach life and respond to things. I have started asking questions in the lab meeting if I don't understand anything clearly. I say I won't be able to attend the next 2 meetings as the schedule of the meeting clashes with my wellness workshop timing. I attend meetings without any anxiety. I realize that I am complete! I have stopped comparing myself with anyone around me because that makes no sense. Jealousy is no longer an emotion I experience because my heart is filling slowly every day with love and gratitude! 

I am updating this page with all the beautiful resources for which I am forever grateful in this page. One such resource that illuminated and reinforced my positive self-belief is the idea discussed in the book, “The End of Average: How to Succeed in a World That Values Sameness,” written by Todd Rose, professor at the Harvard University where he served as the faculty director of the Mind, Brain, and Education program. In this work he explains how no two individuals could not be the same and shows every individual can have their own evolutionary trajectory. Rose, in his work discussed 3 powerful principles:

Jaggedness principle: Talent is never one-dimensional

Context principle: Personality traits do not exist

Pathways principle: We all walk the road less traveled (Rose, n.d.)

These experiences are just related to imposter syndrome. I will share more such experiences in the upcoming podcasts and blog posts. Access to such resources and healthy lifestyle changes brought a huge difference to my mental health! Hope it does for you, too!  

References

• Cuncic, A. (2023, May 22). Imposter Syndrome: The Five Types, How to Deal With It. Verywell Mind. Retrieved September 7, 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469
• Rose, T. (n.d.). The End of Average — Todd Rose. Todd Rose. Retrieved September 7, 2023, from http://www.toddrose.com/endofaverage
• Six Steps to Break the Imposter Syndrome Cycle - TDI. (2022, February 23). The Data Incubator. Retrieved September 7, 2023, from https://www.thedataincubator.com/blog/2022/02/23/6-steps-to-break-the-imposter-syndrome-cycle/